Have you ever opened your eyes and come out of that night time daze with that familiar ache in your chest and ask yourself, “again?” You’re lying on your back looking at the ceiling and you feel your chest rise as you try to catch the breath that seems to be knocked out of you. Your dog looks at you with her concerned eyes and you just keep wondering how the hell you got here again? You stumble to the mirror and look through your swollen eyes and examine your purple wine stained lips thinking, “why does this always happen?” You stand straight and take a cold hard look in the mirror at this bad bitch of a woman that is just broken because she thought this time might be different. A few weeks ago you got caught up in his kind eyes and let his crooked smile break down walls you’ve spent so long rebuilding. You share late night stories of hopes and dreams and your paths seem to cross somewhere until he stares at you with cold lifeless eyes telling you this is no longer what you thought it to be. Each time it happens you seem to build the wall higher just to watch it tumble down again and you always ask yourself why? Why do I always find myself with tear stained eyes slowly building up this wall again brick by brick? The sad thing about it all is that I know it won’t be the last time my heart aches, but somehow as women we are all okay with that. We are taught to brush it off, stand up and take on life like you were not just ugly crying hysterically into a bottle of wine the night before. We are women and we were made to be broken and rebuilt. Our bodies have stretch marks and our hearts have cracks and we use wine and banana split ice cream to heal our wounds and that’s okay. I’m not the "keep on crying" kind. I’m not the "please don’t leave me because I don’t know who I am without you" kind. I am the "you are so damn lucky to be graced with my humor and all these good looks" kind. I am the "I know who I am and don’t need you" kind. I am the "I’m a bad bitch and I know it" kind. And I will not let them break me.
